The Fear of not knowing enough, Overcoming it by knowing what matters

I think I was around 19 (years old) when a one of the most clear thoughts that I have ever had came across my mind.  No matter how much you know, you'll never know everything there is to know. The thought gripped me so firmly, but gently.  I feel as if it was the Lord speaking to me.  So since that time, I have attempted (sometimes failing) to be a learner in every place in my life.  And have always had this sense that God is preparing me for something that I am not really ready for.  And for as often as I might seek to speak boldly and confidently, I know in my heart that I just don't know enough.

But, I confess, sometimes my ignorance grips me in such a way that I feel inadequate.  I know God did not intend to make me fearful by telling me I'll never know it all, but I sometimes I am fearful.  There is always something more to know, in my head.  I feel strongly sometimes the dreaded (unofficial) sociological phenomena called "the imposter syndrome".  I just know that people will find me out to be the fraud that I am.  They think I know more than I do.  And wrestling with my own personal sin does not help matters either.  I feel like Paul, "I am the chief of sinners".

So my night is not over (it's 10:42pm).  I am transitioning from family to academic reflection.  I spent 50 hours a week (most weeks) in the library last semester and sensed that my papers were still less than adequate for doctoral work.  The grades said otherwise but I know there is tons more to learn and the learning curve is stratospheric.   My inadequacies seemed to get the better of me last semester.  And even while I have a much firmer grasp on studies this year, I still know there is so much that I don't know. In the end of this program, when I shall have learned "enough", I suppose I will then be able to consider myself "competent" in Culture and Missiology.  No matter, I hold on to these next few thoughts in the hymn written by Daniel Whittle in 1883 (the Apostle Paul slightly earlier - 1 Timothy 2:12). 

I don't know why God's wondrous grace to me He has made known, nor why unworthy Christ in love redeemed me for His own.  But I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day. 

I know not how this saving faith to me He did impart, nor how believing in His Word
wrought peace within my heart.  But I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.

You know, I hope you know it too,

The Lord Bless You.