Reconciliation Blues

Here is a book review that I did in 2007. You should pick this book up if you have not read it.

Reconciliation Blues book review
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Monday, June 4, 2007 at 10:15am
These past twelve months I have read some fascinating books: Covenant with Black America by Tavis Smiley, Blue like Jazz and Own the Dragon by Donald Miller, and a few more here and there by others were satisfying reads. But none was as captivating to me as Reconciliation Blues: A Black Evangelical’s View inside White Christianity by Ed Gilbreath, an editor for Today’s Christian magazine. If you haven’t read it, you should sell everything you have to get one. Well, maybe not everything: you need to keep your Lazy Boy so you can prop your feet up and read it. It will challenge your heart.

I love the book truly because much of what I have personally felt or stated is found leaping off of these pages. Gilbreath absolutely lassoes and hogties the essence of racialized thinking within evangelical Christianity, yet there is great grace served with this plate of truth. It is a bold, yet unoppressive piece that helps each of us to understand that racial division with in the church is still an issue lurking in the background. Secondly, the book has given me new insight on my own walk with the Lord Jesus outside of the race issue. Finally, I also come away with a better appreciation of how the issue of race affects our brothers who are neither African-American nor Anglo.

The book has 12 chapters in it, along with an epilogue and a discussion guide for those who might actually dig deeper in their hearts. Gilbreath’s conversational tone is more inviting than instructional. Yet, through his story telling instruction is gained. His journalistic background helps to give more credence to personal experiences that he and others face.

The Prologue records the frustrating story of an African-American woman who is fed up with the idea that true reconciliation in the evangelical church is achievable in her lifetime. The following chapters lay the framework for this kind of thinking among black evangelical Christians. Gilbreath posits that the nation is still dealing (or not dealing) with the issue of race in several social aspects. He cites educational imbalances between inner-city schools and more affluent districts, skewed proportions of black men in our American penal system, television network investigations that demonstrate prejudice in our society and other glaring examples. His primary concern, though, is not those secular institutions but the evangelical church.
Gilbreath recognizes that things are better than they were before. He makes a worthy notation to say that there are more “exciting examples of multiracial churches than ever before.” The book however, seeks to express the truth of the racial climate in today’s church.

A focal point of Gilbreath’s thesis is that many blacks have “hung their hats” in evangelical places only to find out that to be in an evangelical setting means more to be in a white-like setting than Christ-like setting. He says white Christians do not understand how much their “whiteness affects their faith”. He adds a quote from an interview source who states that “whites are stunned to find…their cultural, religious, and political reference is not the only one”. This interviewee’s belief which is found in chapter one is more clearly demonstrated as Gilbreath tells the story of a white evangelical denomination who overlooked the concerns of a Korean American pastor. The denomination was promoting potentially offensive VBS material to the Asian culture. Since it was for Jesus and many souls were saved by the material, the offense was not taken seriously even though there were 1500 signatures protesting the material. Gilbreath’s point was that we should not use evangelism to overshadow the concerns of people we are seeking to reach.

In this story though, it was also prevalent that ethnic reconciliation is not just a “black and white” issue anymore. The Korean-American pastor’s story demonstrates that blacks are not the only over-looked minority in evangelicalism. Gilbreath makes this statement, “…evangelicals must be ready to include other ethnic minorities in their vision of a reconciled, multiracial church that reflects the ultimate reality of God’s kingdom-on earth as it is in heaven.”

Reconciliation Blues doesn’t just leave it to white evangelicals to make changes. The book challenges the black Christian not to keep white brothers at arm’s distance and allow them into your circles in order to get to know one another better. He asks the non-white person, “Are you hanging on to unresolved bitterness against whites? Have you been ignoring God’s command to extend grace…and refusing to be a bridge between the races…because bridges must be stepped on?”

He notes for evangelicals the sham of false reconciliation also. Gilbreath states, “As Christians, it’s possible for us to do wonderfully holy things cross culturally without ever experiencing a fundamental change in our thinking about cross-cultural matters”.
Some whites will say, the answer to reconciling is to wait for a new generation. The book answers through Pastor Chris Williamson’s experience when an older white man said that before things change, this generation will just have to die off. Williamson responded by saying that evangelicals are actively fighting against moral issues like abortion, homosexuality, and evolution in school. “But when it comes to social justice and institutional racism, then all of a sudden they just accept it the way it is until a generation dies off.” Williamson professed that idea sickened him.

Ed Gilbreath’s Reconciliation Blues is thought provoking and encouraging. He closes the book by encouraging us to keep pressing at the issue with childlike faith, and keep a kingdom focus. He ends with reference to the lead story of the book saying, “Sometimes I am tempted to throw my hands up and be done with it, like my friend (the African-American woman described at the beginning of the book) who e-mailed me saying she was sick and tired of racial reconciliation. But when I think about the dedication of [certain] men and women…and I think about Jesus prayer for his followers, ‘that all of them may be one , Father, just as you are in me and am in you. May they also be in in us so that the world may believe that you sent me’ (John 17:21).”

One day all God’s people will worship at the throne in eternity. So then, one day racial reconciliation will exist in perfection. I don’t know if we will see it in our earthly days or not but since I know the truth about the future I am inclined to agree with Gilbreath when it comes to agree with racial reconciliation. I am not ready to quit on it just yet.

Unequally Yoked Christian Marriages and Divorce

 -----If you just read the white lettering it will save you some time. The colored lettering is alongside the main point-----

Yesterday, our teaching pastor at North Suburban church taught a message on "How to commit Monogamy". It's worth the listen at this link:  http://www.northsub.com/webhome/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=52&Itemid=31

It reminded me of one of my unposted blogs from 2009.  The blog is about unequally yoked marriages and divorce.  So, here is the post: Let me know what you think.

"The fact that Christians willingly divorce is more a reflection of their relationship w/ God than w/ their spouse." And a dear friend of mine responded with the following comment, "Interesting comment which I agree with but I also think that we look for relationships without really looking to God for guidance in the person that we choose. Even Christians can be unequally yoked (if they are not walking in the same path)."

My friend's thoughts are not singular. Many people, even professing Christians, would agree, that a believer could ignore God and "hook up" with the wrong person. I agree too. This begs the question, "Should a person divorce because they feel 'unequally yoked' with their spouse"?  I believe the answer is, "No, love your spouse instead."


Jesus spoke of divorce in Matthew 19:8 saying that divorce happens because people's hearts are hard (toward God). There is no godly relief that the Bible gives us from a marriage because people "aren't walking the same path" or are unequally yoked within the marriage. The two are no longer two, but one flesh. The idea is that each would surrender their path to walk the path that He intended for them to walk as one unit. The Bible demonstrates that it is wrong for Christians to divorce their spouses even when the spouse is an unbeliever, for all but two reasons. Instead, believers are to lovingly live as Christ would in the presence of their unbelieving spouse so that the unbelieving spouse might turn to Christ (I Pet. 3: 1-7). How much would two professing Christians who have the ministry of reconciliation inside of them (2 Cor. 5:18) be expected to stay married.

Here are two reasons that God absolves a spouse for divorcing. Keep in mind here that God is not never encouraging divorce (in fact, he hates it).  He does permit it in the face of the following circumstances.

First, Jesus mentions in Matthew 19, that if a spouse commits sexual immorality or adultery, then divorce becomes an option (not a command, not encouraged, but an option) for the spouse against whom the sin was committed.
 
Feel free to skip these next paragraph in blue lettering, it is not the main point:

{Paranthetically speaking: The question has been asked to me, "Doesn't Jesus also say that 'to look upon a woman means you've committed adultery in your heart. If that is true, then is pornography a form of adultery?" Certainly a valid question. And to put it bluntly; Yes, pornography is adultery.  And yes, if a spouse engages in the physical practice of interacting with sexual material, the other spouse has a right to dissolve the marriage.   However, we must not take Jesus words out of the context in which he spoke them. There is no indication in which Jesus was speaking of anything except the physical act of adultery. Let's be clear, pornography is sin and adultery of the heart is not less sinful to God than physical adultery; I am only saying that in Matthew 19 the people would have understood him to mean physical adultery, not adultery of the heart.  And I make this point because if we choose to begin judging people's hearts and act according to what we assume or even think we know their hearts to be holding, then we open the door for anyone of us to tried and judged on the basis of what they think is in our hearts.  Furthermore, there are given moments where every individual has a wrong heart for something. [With that said let me more strongly say--If a spouse is engaging in viewing of pornography they should immediately stop, repent and confess, then recommit to the spouse whom God has given them.  I understand, how difficult it is to ask for help in these circumstances, or to confess to anyone; especially one's spouse. But, if we confess our sins, Jesus is faithful and just: Jesus offers forgiveness and hope for the pornographer as He does the prostitute and the homosexual. So let us reach for hope while there is still hope]}

Second is that of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. An unbelieving spouse may choose to dissolve the relationship. If that happens, the believing spouse may choose to continue the relationship -since they are already married- or let the unbeliever go free.   Under those circumstances the believing spouse is free to remarry and is not held accountable for the divide. [And no, a believing spouse should not intentionally create an environment to {as it were} force the unbeliever to leave]  If the believing spouse leaves the unbelieving spouse, the believer must remain unmarried or be reconciled to their spouse (I Cor. 7: 10-16). To remarry would constitute adultery.

These are the only two reasons (that I see) scripture allows the believer to divorce.

------Feel free to skip these next three paragraphs in blue lettering, they are not the main point but are appendices to the main point.  I hope they help you to wrestle with what God desires.------
 

Of course the questions remain:

What about verbal, mental, and emotional abuse? This will sound overly reductionistic, but I don't mean to be.  I don't devalue the idea of abuse other than physical abuse.  Both men and women can experience this.  It is possible that a physiologically petite woman may verbally and emotionally abuse a man of great physiological stature.  Hence, the scriptural command "wives, respect your husbands".  I do not agree that God permits that one to separate from his spouse for the verbal or emotional abuse, but love her instead.   It seems that unless there is an authentic fear of physical harm the believer is to keep the vow, live with the spouse, and love them as Christ has loved us in the face of our sin (Rom. 5:8; Eph 4:32).  My hope is that the believer; when it comes to overcoming hurtful, and hateful words given by the unbeliever (or a so-called believer who acts as an unbeliever) will intentionally allow God, through the words of scripture, and especially the Christ community and the Holy Spirit, to speak words of affirmation to combat and overcome those words of degradation from another human being, and find emotional protection in God and the faith community. Again, this might sound reductionistic and I certainly don't minimize that people can experience emotional abuse with potentially lasting effects.  My prayer is that God's voice through the Spirit, the Christ community, and the words of scripture will speak more loudly, strongly, more real and prove more therapeutic than the hurtful, evil words of the abusive spouse.  Greater is He that is in (the believer) than the one who is in (entrenched in the ungodly ways of the world) Listen to God, not man-- I John 4:4-5 (my paraphrase). 

What about domestic violence (physical abuse)? In my opinion, the abused person should get away and stay away from the abuser. It may mean getting out of the house before you seek to reconcile the relationship. Separate until counseling can be performed and until there is a consensus among the two spouses and third and fourth parties (counselors, pastors, legal personnel) that the abuse will not likely occur again and there is a safe environment for all parties involved.  If the abuser will not seek counseling it seems the relationship will not be able to be reconciled until they have done so.  No one should be subject to physical abuse (neither male nor female) from their spouse. 

Truthfully, the church does may not be offering enough care and concern for this new generation who has experienced the brunt of divorce. Our brothers and sisters in Christ especially, but those outside the body of Christ as well need care and comfort after the horrid tearing of the institution of marriage.  So many family legacies have been molested and raped through the monstrous activity of divorce. (I digress to say that the former statement could, to some, seem a bit over the top; and even offensive.) Some would even say divorce has not affected them or their children or parents that much. Maybe they're right within themselves. I am more using those words from God's perspective who relates to us in Malachi 2:16, He hates divorce because it is [unethical and injurious-more plainly, it is brutally damaging to people]. Certainly some, having experienced it, have described it to me as a ripping between the two people.

To be sure, even while God hates divorce, He loves the people who have been through divorce [No matter whose fault it was or wasn't]  (John 3:16; Romans 5:8)   There is forgiveness for people who divorce as for any other sin or failure.  We must not unnecessarily ostracize divorcees, rather embrace them and walk with them as healing takes place from the ripping of two people.  This article is just to say that God, whether one has been equally or unequally yoked, expects that the covenant be kept.

Now, even if God will forgive you, why would you want to put Him in the position where you offend Him in the first place? What might that really say about your relationship with Him? If you don't feel equally yoked with your spouse today, I pray that God will move you both toward taking on the yoke of Christ together whereby you will be able to together, "...keep in step with the Spirit..." (Gal. 5:25)

Beloved, thanks for taking the time to read.  May love and grace, peace and healing flow to the divorced, married and re-married, equally or unequally yoked alike and may God's children not grow tired in doing what is right because God will reward us (Gal. 6:9) only let us all seek to please God in our thoughts and actions relating to keeping the covenant commitment of marriage.